Lists

Snack Crack: Most Addictive Junk Food

By on December 4, 2013 11:30am EST

These are the snacks that compel you to delete your MyFitnessPal app. The nibbles you cram into your maw while hiding in a dark corner. The processed, packaged ambrosia that sends you scurrying past entire grocery store aisles with your eyes averted…

Ritz SandwichesRitz Crackers

Be honest now…have you been putting on the Ritz? Ritz Crackers seem so harmless in their simplicity and stature, but their villainy lies in the Kryptonite combination of butter flavoring and salt. Spread that other addictive substance, peanut butter, on those flaky golden coins and you’ll soon be gazing upon four empty beige sleeves with a peculiar but distinct sense of shame.

Cheetos MemeFlamin’ Hot Cheetos

You’ve been caught red-handed and runny-nosed. If you’ve never experienced the masochistic joy of scouring your taste buds with these crunchy Red 40 lava bombs, you’re basically missing out on life. If you get to the bottom of the bag, you will be justly rewarded with the ability to breathe fire.

SONY DSCOreos

Everyone has a method to the madness of their Oreo addiction. Cream first, cookie first, dunked whole, etc. It’s less an addiction to the cookie as it is an addiction to the process. Maybe we shouldn’t call it an addiction, but a ritual.

Nyan Cat Pop TartPop-Tarts

Nyan Cat was born of Pop-Tarts so they can’t be all bad! While often advertised as a breakfast food rather than a snack, one would be hard-pressed to include anything that can be purchased from a vending machine as part of any balanced breakfast. Warm filling, (not-so-flaky) crust, cute little vents punched into the top. Pop-Tarts are a pie addict’s convenience substance.

Crumb-DonettesDonettes

This is a rather embarrassing addiction. There’s something particularly unrefined and cheap about the Donette, especially when purchased from a seedy gas station convenience store on a whim, as they so often are. Not that I would ever do such a thing.

Let’s move on…I don’t want to talk about it anymore.

Thin Mints Cat MemeThin Mints

What kind of cruel mockery is the Thin Mint? And what is this evil organization that makes us wait almost a year to satisfy our addictions? If you want to see snack addiction at its worst, make your way to a Girl Scouts booth neatly situated in a corporate building and watch as chic, body-conscious professionals tear that cookie stand apart for the last box of Thin Mints. Scouts returning from the battlefield of cookie season unquestionably deserve their badges.

This isn’t a definitive list–what snacks can’t you quit?

 

 

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S Zainab Williams

S. Zainab Williams is a writer, author of graphic novel Beatrice is Dead, and blogger at szainabwilliams.com. She likes fava beans and a nice Chianti but can't figure out what protein to pair them with. Follow her on Twitter: @szainabwilliams.

Related

  • Amanda Waters

    Nacho Cheese Doritos, Wheat Thins, Cheezits (clearly, I have a cracker/chip problem)

  • Dana Staves

    Thin Mints!!!!!! It’s like that scene in Never Been Kissed, where she eats a whole pie while she’s stoned, and then she’s all like, “Somebody ate my entire pie.” Me. I’m the somebody. It’s me.

  • Krissie

    I can’t quit Hostess Twinkies. I swear, I cried when I heard they weren’t going to be sold anymore, and I nearly cried again the other week when a coworker helped me find a box so I could buy them :)

  • Insatiable Booksluts

    There’s a thing my grandma used to make, I should really make it again sometime.. it’s a mix of corn pops, capn crunch (sans berries), peanuts, pretzels, with white chocolate drizzled over it to hold it all together. It gets a bout in the freezer and then cracked into pieces brittle-style. It is addictive as crap.

  • Amanda Nelson

    Salt and vinegar chips. SPECIFICALLY Utz brand in the green and yellow bag. Once I start I can’t (wont’, really, let’s be honest) stop.

  • Bob Bires

    Port Wine Cheddar spread with any kind of cracker. Actually, I had it on the table the other night and a guest asked, “What is this cheese crack?”

  • S. Zainab Williams

    I used to pour Red Rooster hot sauce into a bag of Tim’s Cascade Style Jalapeno Chips, shake it up…and eat it for breakfast. :ashamed: