These are the snacks that compel you to delete your MyFitnessPal app. The nibbles you cram into your maw while hiding in a dark corner. The processed, packaged ambrosia that sends you scurrying past entire grocery store aisles with your eyes averted…
Be honest now…have you been putting on the Ritz? Ritz Crackers seem so harmless in their simplicity and stature, but their villainy lies in the Kryptonite combination of butter flavoring and salt. Spread that other addictive substance, peanut butter, on those flaky golden coins and you’ll soon be gazing upon four empty beige sleeves with a peculiar but distinct sense of shame.
You’ve been caught red-handed and runny-nosed. If you’ve never experienced the masochistic joy of scouring your taste buds with these crunchy Red 40 lava bombs, you’re basically missing out on life. If you get to the bottom of the bag, you will be justly rewarded with the ability to breathe fire.
Everyone has a method to the madness of their Oreo addiction. Cream first, cookie first, dunked whole, etc. It’s less an addiction to the cookie as it is an addiction to the process. Maybe we shouldn’t call it an addiction, but a ritual.
Nyan Cat was born of Pop-Tarts so they can’t be all bad! While often advertised as a breakfast food rather than a snack, one would be hard-pressed to include anything that can be purchased from a vending machine as part of any balanced breakfast. Warm filling, (not-so-flaky) crust, cute little vents punched into the top. Pop-Tarts are a pie addict’s convenience substance.
This is a rather embarrassing addiction. There’s something particularly unrefined and cheap about the Donette, especially when purchased from a seedy gas station convenience store on a whim, as they so often are. Not that I would ever do such a thing.
Let’s move on…I don’t want to talk about it anymore.
What kind of cruel mockery is the Thin Mint? And what is this evil organization that makes us wait almost a year to satisfy our addictions? If you want to see snack addiction at its worst, make your way to a Girl Scouts booth neatly situated in a corporate building and watch as chic, body-conscious professionals tear that cookie stand apart for the last box of Thin Mints. Scouts returning from the battlefield of cookie season unquestionably deserve their badges.
This isn’t a definitive list–what snacks can’t you quit?
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