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Empty Calories: Respect the Bacon

By on June 14, 2013 10:30am EST

Empty Calories is a weekly rant about food and culinary trends.

I fucking love bacon, do not get me wrong, but holy shit people need to calm down about bacon. And stop putting in in every fucking thing we eat.

Bacon is good–NAY, great! But, OMG why oh why do we have to kill it by putting it in everything and acting like it’s amazing. Bacon chocolate is nasty. Bacon infused liquor is nasty. Bacon wrapped in bacon on top of bacon on top of a turd is nasty. Enough is enough, people!

One of the world’s most perfect inventions is the BLT. I am going to state that right here. Carbs plus salty, smoky, crispy meat plus the crisp freshness of lettuce and sweet softness of tomato. Richness and umami of mayonnaise. It’s the definition of culinary perfection based on simplicity and good ingredients.

via Chuck Ingwersen,  Words and Toons

via Chuck Ingwersen,  Words and Toons

Breakfast bacon, served as strips along side an omelet or on a sandwich with eggs and cheese. Also perfection.

Bacon bits, as a salty bite in salads, on soups and over baked potatoes and potato skins. Perfection.

Bacon, wrapped around a lean piece of meat like a filet, adding flavor and much needed fat. Perfection.

Bacon, used to layer a smoky, salty flavor to cream based chowders. Perfection.



bakon vodkaBacon cupcakes, bacon bourbon, bacon brownies, bacon ice cream, bacon jam, bacon chocolate, bacon pudding, bacon in this, bacon in that, bacon because bacon and no other reason, bacon double whip frap mocha latte with skim milk, FUCK THAT SHIT.

We devalue bacon itself by just inadvertently mixing it up with whatever other things we put in our mouths.

And I am really sick of hearing about how bacon is so fucking good. YES. Bacon is fucking good. We get it. Enough already. We do not need you to show up in a Gaga style meat dress made entirely of bacon to get it. Bacon is amazing. That is a fact.

What is not, however, amazing, is everyone losing their heads over bacon and letting go of reason. It is not meant for everything. A true lover of bacon knows and respects that.

Update: This was a sponsored link I just saw on Twitter by Oscar Mayer today. WTF?! What does this even mean? Also, scary.


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Brett Sandusky

Brett Sandusky is the co-founder of Stuyvesant Supper Club, a clandestine restaurant, in Brooklyn where molecular nouveau American meets traditional French cuisine. He is also a publisher, a knitter, and a French literature scholar. Brett is interested in the cultural impact of food on our lives, food equity, the locavore movement, and making everything from scratch. Follow Brett on Twitter: @bsandusky