Ephemera

No, Really, Everything is Better With Sriracha

srirachaLook. We get it. You like your food HOT! HOT! HOT! and you were the first in your social circle to discover the wonder of the red stuff in a clear bottle with a green spout and a rooster on it.

Fine, but let’s stop pretending you discovered actual fire, eh?

There seems to be a great need among some subset of foodies and foodie-like folk who disdain the word “foodie” to be in front of the pack when the next bacon expands beyond foodstuff into internet-meme territory to where it is commonly used in the sentence:

“EVERYTHING is better with X.”

If I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard that sentence finished with the word “bacon,” I’d have enough money to move to rural Oregon and start my own artisan pork-belly operation with clever t-shirts and a reputation for a tiny carbon footprint.

But no. The fairy who grants nickels for repeated instances has yet to see reason to flood my bank account with tiny deposits as of yet, so I’ll continue to instead peddle my services otherwise.

Where was I?

Yes! “Cock Sauce!”

Which reminds me…please, please, please stop saying “COCK SAUCE!” with a wry grin as a way to self-affirm your cleverness. Much like the idea of blending chile peppers with sugar, salt, vinegar, and garlic, this bit of frat-boy humor has been around much longer than the moment it struck you to yell it just a little too enthusiastically while thrusting your fist in the air to signify your undying, if completely recent, loyalty to this particular brand of delivering heat to your food.

File it along with the naming of a sports team (intramural sports, bowling leagues, fantasy baseball, etc.) the “Sixty Niners” in the “not as clever as you think” bin.

Okay, with all that out of the way, let’s face it. Sriracha, like bacon, is delicious. It would be foolish to deny this. If you even try, the Sriracha Fairy may very well do a fly-by, squirting a bit of its red magic directly into your eyes (this would definitely hurt, so just don’t; okay?)

Great places starting with the letter ‘p’  to put Sriracha that are not your pupils:

  • Pho (duh, but it would be criminal to ignore such a natural)
  • Popcorn
  • Plain Yogurt (and then dip fresh veggies in it and realize you may have just broken the code on how to get more fresh veg in your diet!)
  • Pizza (regardless of topping? I think so! Plus, isn’t the emergence of “irregardless” sort of funny? If someone says “irregardless,” you have my legally unbinding permission to shoot them in the face with Sriracha.)
  • Peas and rice (an old bachelor staple that still works for me is a can of peas on a bed rice spiked with hot sauce, with Sriracha being excellent applied here)
  • Popeye’s Chicken (okay, any fried chicken, really, but I needed a ‘P,’ out front, so…)

You know what else is great about Sriracha? How many infusions of flavor you get for a few bucks. I don’t think I pay much more than two or three dollars for a 17-ounce bottle that lasts my family months. Admittedly, we also have some loyalties to ‘Sambal Oelek,’ (Oh my gawd, you guys; everything is better with Sambal Oelek!) which stretches the lifespan of a bottle a bit, but when you consider how much flavor you get out of just the slightest shots of it, you can’t go wrong starting a relationship with Sriracha.

Unless you are doing it for non-culinary reasons, in which case I cannot help you other than to tell you to wear sunglasses.

About Randall Hauk

Randall G. Hauk spends his days making recipes safe for public consumption and his evenings making his two boys safe for public consumption.

  • http://www.facebook.com/georgina.hauk Georgina Hauk

    Great Article!! I must admit I have never heard or seen Sriracha, but will give it a try if I do see it.

  • Noel

    Hot sauces always seem to incur an outsized brand loyalty that defies the bounds of reality. Sure, we can blame the residents of Avery Island for making hot sauce something other than the red stuff we squirt on beans and rice at (ethnic restaurant of choice), but the Sriracha folks…they’ve taken to a whole ‘nother level. It’s too good to dismiss and too ubiquitous to not mock. Great post!

  • http://www.facebook.com/kwittersheim Kris Wittersheim

    Irregardless of how you really feel, you nailed it. Never thought of yogurt as a Korean Ketchup vehicle.

    • Lily Queen

      Korean? :|